The Wizard of Oz
by GenkiPlus
Summary: What do you think would happen if Schuldich read the "Wizard of Oz" before he went to sleep? This is what would happen. :D Don't forget to review!


Here's the typical disclaimer. I own none of the characters in Weiss Kreuz! ;-; Though, I wish I did, but I do not. ; I just got really bored one afternoon and decided to write something. X_x And yes, I had to add Harry Potter in this somewhere. It sounded hilarious at the time. Schu-Schu reading The Wizard of Oz. D. Sounds very interesting. There are some cameo appearances by a few close friends of mine in here, since, this is humor isn't it?! My friends bring humor. -_-; Urination Yellow belongs to Katie! B Flamers, beware. I'll just ignore ya. :B And don't forget to R+R! Ja!  
  
~*~  
  
It was a late night at the Schwarz household, approximately two in the morning when everyone's favorite stick-up the ass American, Bradley Crawford woke up to the obnoxious lighting in the room he and Schuldich shared together. He blinked his eyes a few times before he spoke up to the red head.  
  
"What the hell are you doing? Don't you realize I'm trying to get some sleep..?!" The grumpy American snarled at the German man next to him in bed.  
  
"I'm reading! So, suck it up." Schuldich grinned down at the dark haired man. He held up a fairly heavy book with barely visible (well, to Bradley anyways. He's still half asleep.) writing on the cover.  
  
"What is it you're reading? Something besides Playboy?" Bradley finally sat up in bed, staring at Schuldich in awe. He had finally seen everything. He's seen Schuldich reading. SCHULDICH READING! He definitely knew that the world was officially going to end very soon.  
  
"No. I'm reading the Wizard of Oz. Don't look so shocked there, Braddy." The young German thwapped the other man in the head with his book. After doing so, he put his nose right back in the book. "Go back to sleep. You have to work tomorrow." Schuldich continued while not even looking at Bradley when he spoke to him.  
  
"I can't sleep with this damned light on. Go to bed. That book with give you night mares." Bradley took the book back from Schuldich and threw it across the bedroom. The book landed with a noisy THUD against the far end wall. That just so happened to be Farf's room. Great. Now He'll come over and ask me to throw the book again, just because it could hurt God. Bradley thought this all after his actions subsided.  
  
"I don't wanna go to sleep!" Schuldich whined, giving Bradley those puppy dog eyes he normally does when he wants to have sex.  
  
"Too bad. I am. You need sleep too." Bradley rolled over on his side and closed his eyes. "Now, go to sleep! Or no.. anything tomorrow." He knew this would catch the red head's attention. Anything that involves sex would catch Schuldich's attention.  
  
"Fine!" Schuldich growled as he turned on his side, with his bare back facing Bradley. Why does he always have to act like such an asshole? When I finally decide to do something PRODUCTIVE, he decides to make me go to sleep. Grr. Yeah, reading that book will give me nightmares. Hah, Bradley. Just you wait. I'll be nightmare free. And with finishing that thought, Schuldich finally fell to sleep.  
  
~*~  
  
Schuldich finally decided to get himself up sometime next morning. He barely had his eyes open when he swung his slender legs over the bed and stood up to walk to the mirror to inspect how nasty he looked this morning. He pulled his long fingers through his bright red hair like a comb just to make it look half decent. He didn't feel like having Nagi tell him to get a shower because his hair looked horrible again. Schuldich opened his emerald eyes wider as he stood even closer to the mirror. Something was definitely wrong here. When Schuldich went to bed last night, all he was wearing was his shorts. And well, when he woke up he was wearing a.. nightgown. Yeah, a nightgown.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" The German screamed loudly. Hopefully trying to wake the others up. He turned around to wake Bradley up, but turned to find him not there. And come to think of it, he had woken up in a smaller bed. So, Bradley hadn't been there all night.  
  
"I went to sleep.. Bradley was right next to me. Now he's.. gone? Where the hell am I?" He didn't even bother to change his "nightgown", he had already forgotten about wearing it. He passed another mirror on his way down the stairs and he caught another glimpse of something, not so right about him. His long, bright red hair was tied into braided pigtails. "Shit! What did they do to me?!" He grumbled as he walked into the kitchen of the household. He then began to realize something else. This wasn't his house. He had never seen this place before. And when he looked out the window by the kitchen sink, he saw FARMLAND. "God, Where am I?" He grumbled to himself as he sat himself down in one of the old rusty-like chairs around a small rickety table. Just then, he heard footsteps coming down the ancient stairs.  
  
"Mornin' Dorothy!" The sound of an old women popped out from the hallway. This old women finally made an appearance in the kitchen. She looked just like.. Nagi. Schuldich burst out laughing at the sight of this.  
  
"Nagi! I always knew you were gay but, cross-dressing like this! I never guessed it! Does Omi enjoy it?" Schuldich had a hold of his stomach as he was laughing at the person right in front of his eyes. His other hand was slowly wiping tears away from his eyes since he was laughing so hard at the sight.  
  
"Nagi? Who are you talking about, Dorothy? I'm your Aunt Em. Are you feeling all right? You really do not seem like yourself today." "Aunt Nagi" said as she came up to Schuldich and checked to see if he was running a fever.  
  
"I think I'm seeing things. I definitely do not belong here.." Schuldich/Dorothy or whoever he was ran out of the house and found out he was being followed. He was being followed by a dog. And, this dog just happened to look like Kudou Yohji. Yes, the dog certainly did remind him of Yohji. And that was very frightening indeed. There aren't many dogs in this world who would look like someone from your rival assassin group.  
  
"God. Not this again." He knelt down to pick the little black dog up. "What are you doing here, and why the hell do you look so much like that jerk Yohji?" Schuldich looked down at the little black dog while half expecting to hear the dog answer him back. "No idea what's wrong with me. Really. Let's go." He put the little black dog back on the ground and started to walk back to the "house." He knew he had to get out of this.. this.. nightgown he had on. The German didn't want anybody to happen to walk by and see him in a nightgown. His life could just about be over then. He made his way up the stairs to his "room" with the little black dog closely behind him. When he had shut the door to his room, he looked down at the dog.  
  
"You need a name. And since you happen to look like that Yohji, I think I'll call you that. Fits you well." Schuldich bent down to the dog as he spoke to it. Yohji wagged his tail with happiness at the sight of his owner. Fighting off the urge to throw up, Schuldich walked over to the closet to inspect the clothes that he had there. Little did he know, that when he opened it, all he had found were blue and white checked dresses.  
  
"Not this shit again! Why do I have to dress like a fucking girl?!" He grabbed one of the outfits and went to the bathroom to put it on. He shut the door behind him because he didn't feel like having that dog that just happened to look like Yohji be in the same bathroom with him and watching him change at the very same time. It disturbed Schuldich slightly. Now, if it were Bradley that looked like the dog, he wouldn't mind with the slightest bit.  
  
He walked out of the bathroom and noticed his hair was still in the braided pigtails, and also noticing that the little black dog wasn't in his room anymore. "Hm, where'd that little shit go?" He went downstairs to see what was going on. No sooner did he get downstairs he began to hear a bunch of yelling coming from the front door.  
  
"Your niece's stupid dog, Yohji has been getting in my yard again! Eating my precious flowers! I'm sick of it! I am going to get rid of this dog. I can't live with it in my yard all the time!" Schuldich turned a corner and peeked out the front door. He saw his "Aunt" was talking to some very ugly lady. She had bright blue hair and her hair was pulled back like she had two meatballs sticking out of her head. She was carrying an umbrella and a basket. And there, he spotted Yohji hiding behind his "Aunt."  
  
"Miss. Tot, I'm terribly sorry that Dorothy's dog, Yohji had been getting into your yard. I promise you, that it will not happen again." Nagi turned around to spot Dorothy standing there. "Dorothy dear, you should really keep a good watch on that dog of yours." Schuldich gave Nagi and Tot strange looks. What the hell was going on here? Where the hell was he?  
  
"Excuse me, but I will be taking this dog now! Goodbye." Tot said as she scooped up Yohji and put the little dog in her basket. She had attached the basket to her bike and began to ride off down the road.  
  
"Bitch! Give back the jerk-dog!" Schuldich ran down the road towards the maniac Tot riding the bike with the little basket attached to the back of her bike. Yohji must have known that Schuldich had been following them, so he popped his little black head out of the basket and hopped down and ran towards Schuldich. Tot didn't seem to have noticed that the load in her basket had been incredibly lightened. Schuldich picked up the little black dog in his arms and began to walk back down the road towards the house.  
  
"Glad to have gotten away from bitch-lady." Schuldich mumbled as they got closer to the barn house. Then he noticed that a tornado was coming their way. (Big surprise there.) Not really knowing what the hell to do, he started to run back to the house. "Aunt, eh, whoever the hell you are! Where'd you go? I think the house is gonna get blown away!" He searched everywhere but could not find her/him. He ran up to his room to take shelter there. "They wouldn't have left me all alone, especially during a tornado.." He said to himself as he saw Yohji scramble under the bed to hide from the storm. The tornado finally hit, knocking into the house with such forced, knocking Schuldich across the room. As he took his trip across the room, he smacked his head against the wall with an ear shattering crash. His body slid down the wall and he fell unconscious.  
  
~*~  
  
When the tornado was finally over, Schuldich had woken up with a terrible headache. "Damn. My head hurts like a bitch." He sat up, rubbing the back of his head as he found Yohji standing on top of his bed. "What is it?" He saw Yohji jump off of the bed and scramble his way downstairs. Schuldich knew he had to follow him. He was very curious after all. Yohji ran outside the back door and Schuldich quickly followed him. "What do you wa-." Schuldich was outside now, and he couldn't believe his eyes. The land in front of him was beautiful. Filled with brightly colored flowers, fields and fields of flowers. And he spotted slightly deformed houses.  
  
"Shit. Schuldich, I don't think you're in Japan anymore." He said to himself as his mouth was gaped in awe. The little Yohji dog looked up at Schuldich. Nope. Definitely not Japan. As Schuldich and the little Yohji dog were walking around this strange.. wherever the hell they just happened to be, Schuldich happened to look at where his "house" was standing. He peeked down at the ground and saw a pair of legs sticking out from the bottom. "The hell?!" He muttered to himself.  
  
Just then, he heard a bunch of giggles. "Who's there?" He turned around, looked all over the place, but to his surprise, he found nobody. He put the little Yohji dog on the ground and began to go to take a better look around this place. As he took a few steps forward, he saw a bunch of little people jump out from behind the bushes of the nearby deformed houses.  
  
"Welcome!" They all squealed at once to poor Schuldich, who was staring at the little people with surprise. "Alright, no more drugs for me." The German smacked himself on the forehead.  
  
"We thank you for killing the Evil Witch of the South East! We are very grateful for all you have done." The little people bowed to Schuldich as they spoke to him. "The hell? I killed somebody?" The little people pointed to the ladies legs under Schuldich's house. "Aah. That explains, almost everything. And, um, who the hell are you.. people anyways?" He asked, curiously. "We're the Chibi's!" They all shouted at the same time, which made Schuldich put his hands over his ears. "And uh, how do I get home?" The little people looked at him strangely. "You must follow the urination yellow colored road over there! And continue down the road to Rainbow City. You'll find the wizard and he'll be able to take you home." One of the Chibi's told him as they pointed to a road, that happened to be a very disturbing shade of yellow.  
  
"Thanks. I think.." He told the little Yohji dog to follow him and he made his way down the Urination Yellow Road.  
  
~*~  
  
Schuldich made his way down the Urination Yellow Road with the little Yohji dog running down at his side when he came to a stop at a very odd field. Oddly enough, this happened to look like a tobacco farm. And the fields were full of tobacco. Just Schu's luck.  
  
"Not a tobacco field. I don't need anymore of this. I can't be anymore screwed up than I already am.." He mumbled as he noticed something in the very first tobacco field in front of him. A scarecrow. "Why a scarecrow in a tobacco field?" He shrugged as he went to investigate the scarecrow. Oddly enough, this scarecrow looked a lot like Bradley. Yep. But Schuldich decided not to say anything to him, since he was afraid the scarecrow might lash back at him for no damn good reason.  
  
"Eeh, hello?" Schuldich said tapping the scarecrow lightly. At his touch, the scarecrow opened his eyes and began to move. "Who are you?" The scarecrow asked. "Eh, my name's Schu- eh, Dorothy? I'm not really sure what the hell my name is.." Schuldich said to the scarecrow. The scarecrow got down from his perch and stood in front of Schuldich.  
  
"I'm going to the Rainbow City, would you like to come with me? I'm trying to find my fucking way home out of this hellhole." Schuldich said to the scarecrow. "I guess. I could ask this wizard who happens to live in that city, how to get this stick out of my ass. Oh, by the way, my name is Bradley. Not Braddy, not Brad, or anything else for that matter." Schuldich grinned to himself as he heard Bradley talk. This was definitely the Bradley he knew. Only, he would call him whatever the hell he wanted to.  
  
The two started off down the road and following close behind was the little Yohji dog running on his little legs. They continued to walk well into the day's afternoon. And when they finally decided to stop for a rest.. "Bradley! I'm tired. And hungry! I wanna stop here!" Schuldich would whine to the scarecrow. And, the poor scarecrow would silently agree to stopping, since he did feel a little tired himself, with having a stick up his ass and all. He needed some rest! They came across a tiny band of trees along the Urination Yellow Road. Along that very same band of trees, there was a tin-person. Abundantly stuck because of some stupid reason Schuldich didn't know of.  
  
"Ooh! A person made out of tin!" Schuldich ran up to the tin-person and poked at him.  
  
"Gah! Help! Oil would be nice.." Schuldich looked at the tin-person with a confused expression upon his face. "I think he's saying he can't move, and he would like to have some oil so HE CAN MOVE." Bradley scolded Schuldich for being so stupid, again. Schuldich and Bradley took the oil and put it on the tin-person so he would be able to move his body again.  
  
"Ah! Thanks so very much. I got stuck in the rain and well, I got screwed over." The tin-person said with a big smile on his face.  
  
"You got screwed?!" Schuldich laughed at the tin-person. But, Bradley thwaped him with a load of straw that just happened to come out of his shirt. "Dumbass. He means.. oh. Nevermind. I give up on you." Bradley sighed and went to stand over by the little Yohji dog along the band of trees.  
  
"My name's Ken. And, you wouldn't be going to the Rainbow City by any chance, would you? Because I need to ask the big wizard man for a pellet gun, so I could seek revenge on my ex-friend Kase.." Ken said to Schuldich, but Schu-Schu wasn't really listening to him. "Yeah, we're going. I want to get home, and Bradley here," He pointed over to Bradley. "Needs to ask the wizard how to get that mean stick out of his ass." Schuldich grinned at the scared look on the tin-man's face. But, the three of them headed off down the Urination Yellow Road with the little Yohji dog following closely behind them.  
  
~*~  
  
Our heroes (A/N: Heroes? Hah. Very funny, I know.) which consisted of Schuldich or Dorothy, whatever he felt like being called, Bradley the Scarecrow, and Ken the Tin-Man were walking down the Urination Yellow Road when they hit an even larger forest of trees than from before. The three men (o_o;) all had their arms linked together and were walking down the road with the little Yohji dog still behind them. They walked up and stopped at a overly large tree. "Weiss Boys, Weiss Boys, and Weiss Boys! Oh My!" Schuldich and Bradley the scarecrow shouted together. "Hey!" Ken the tin-man glared at the other two. "What? We didn't say anything." Schuldich smile innocently at Ken as he spoke. "Honest!" Schuldich crossed his fingers behind his back.  
  
At that very moment, a very fuzzy lion popped out from behind the overly large tree that they were standing in front of. "Aah!" Schuldich screamed like a girl at the sight of a big fuzzy lion. He hid behind Bradley the Scarecrow for protection. "God.." Bradley sighed as Schuldich hid behind him.  
  
"ROAR!" The lion jumped at them and began to growl.  
  
"Um. You're not scary. Really." Ken said as he patted the furry mane of the lion.  
  
"Are you serious? Geez. I need to get some scary techniques from that wizard in the Rainbow City. Hey, you guys wouldn't be happening to go there now would you?" The lion, who just happened to have red hair mentioned.  
  
"Actually, we are. And just who the hell are you?" Schuldich replied to the lion.  
  
"My name is Ran." Ran introduced himself and began to stare at the tin-man, Ken.  
  
"God, no. Don't even think about it, I do not feel like throwing up right here or right now." Bradley told the tin-man and the lion. "There will be time for that later." Schuldich cheered.  
  
And with that, they all continued down the Urination Yellow Road towards the Rainbow City.  
  
~*~  
  
"What the hell was that?!" Schudich sat up in bed. "I must be going insane finally." He shuddered at the thought.  
  
"What is wrong with you? Go back to bed." Bradley said next to him.  
  
"No. I don't want to go back to bed." Schuldich stated.  
  
"Too bad." Bradley told him. "No wait, let me guess. You had another nightmare about the Wizard of Oz, didn't you?" Bradley asked the red head.  
  
Schuldich nodded slightly to the man with the golden eyes.  
  
"Too bad anyways. Get back to sleep." Bradley said as he turned over and closed his eyes against the pillow.  
  
Just then, Farfarello popped in their door. "See, I told you reading books hurt God." He grinned, and then left.  
  
"Damn books. Damn them." Schuldich said and he went back to sleep. Hopefully not having anymore freaky dreams involving him wearing a blue and white dress.  
  
-Fin-  
  
Hah. I hope you liked it. I know, it's screwed up. Well, I didn't write it entirely. Lana helped me write it one day during a study hall. I just never got around to finishing it. Don't forget to review! Reviiiiiew! ^_^v Hah. 


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